Here's a collection of the writing bloopers of the up-and-coming generation.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
Acrimony is what a man gives his divorced wife.
Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.
Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
Arabs wear turbines on their heads.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.
Having one wife is called monotony.
Last year many lives were caused by accidents.
The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.
The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.
The President of the United States, in having foreign affairs, has to have the consent of the Senate.
The problem with inter-sexual swimming is that the boys often outstrip the girls.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
When a boy and a girl are deeply in love, there is no quilt between them.
When a man has more than one wife, he is a pigamist.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British governor lives there.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
A myth is a female moth.
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.
In medieval times most people were alliterate.
He found difficulty walking because he had an abbess on his knee.
When Queen Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah".
Examples taken from US students from eighth grade to college level.
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Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert were cultivated by irritation. Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. David was a Hebrew king and skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by running two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when apples are falling off trees. The nineteenth century was a time of great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabies. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. |
Autos Killing 110 A Day - Let's Resolve To Do Better
Cause Of Aids Found - Scientists
Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
County Officials To Talk Rubbish
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing In Killing
Death Causes Loneliness - Feelings Of Isolation
Dr. Ruth To Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors
Genetic Engineering Splits Scientists
Grandmother Of Eight Makes Hole In One
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish
Man Held Over Brush Fire
Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
New Autos Hit Five Million
New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead
Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over
Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Schoolgirl Suspended By Head
Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Traffic Dead Rise Slowly
Twenty Year Friendship Ends At Altar
Two Convicts Escape Noose - Jury Hung
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An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have. I had been driving for about 40 years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him. |
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"In 1972 President Nixon states all agency rules are to be in layman's terms. The State Department then announces "a new position to review existing mechanism of consumer input, thruput and output." "In 1977 President Carter ordered all agencies and departments to use plain English. Examples of plain English follow: U.S. Labor Department describes truckdrivers as: "transport equipment operatives" and U.S. delegates at a conference introduce the terms "derigidification, flexibilization and restructuralization." Not to be outdone, President Carter refers to plans to "strengthen linkages among macroeconomic, sectoral, place-oriented economies." In 1981, President Reagan repealed President Carter's Executive Order 12044 requiring regulations to be written in plain English. In 1982 a physician treating President Reagan reported that "previously documented decrement in auditory acuity and visual refractive error corrected with contact lenses were evaluated and found to be stable." |
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I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is now dead. In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. Unless I get my money soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
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Quotes - it makes you think --- ^ index
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"Most people only have two writing faults: first, they can't write, second, they think they can." Canadian Lawyer
"I never write metropolis when I can get paid the same sum for writing city" Mark Twain
"In composing, as a general rule, run a pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style." Sydney Smith
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