Actual Newspaper Headlines, pb

Some are just slips of the tongue

* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one.
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing.
* Police begin campaign to run down jay-walkers.
* House passes gas tax onto senate.
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan.
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung.
* William Kelly was fed secretary.
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder.
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted.
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water.
* Farmer bill dies in house.
* Iraqi head seeks arms.

Some become unintentionally suggestive

* Queen Mary having bottom scraped.
* Is there a ring of debris around Uranus ?
* Prostitutes appeal to Pope.
* Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over.
* NJ judge to rule on nude beach.
* Child's stool great for use in garden.
* Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors.
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again.
* Organ festival ends in smashing climax.

Grammar often botches other headlines

* Eye drops off shelf.
* Squad helps dog bite victim.
* Dealers will hear car talk at noon.
* Enraged cow injures farmer with ax.
* Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests.
* Miners refuse to work after death.
* Two Soviet ships collide - one dies.
* Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter.

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning
opposite from the one intended:
* Never withhold herpes from loved one.
* Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy.
* Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984.
* Autos killing 110 a day, Let's resolve to do better.

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

* If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while.
* War dims hope for peace.
* Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency.
* Cold wave linked to temperatures.
* Child's death ruins couple's holiday.
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.
* Man is fatally slain.
* Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.
* Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation.